Michele

unclefather:
“ becketts:
“ that one time on Hotel Hell when Gordon Ramsay fed the owner’s dog some shitty bread and then was afraid he killed her
”
He checked her pulse
”

becketts:
that one time on Hotel Hell when Gordon Ramsay fed the owner’s dog some shitty bread and then was afraid he killed her
He checked her pulse

sadgirlandbadgirl:

My needs:
sleep
you
sleep with you

fucckingbagofbags:

birdbian:
i am a bright and colourful piñata and god is a 13 year old birthday boy whose parents have just announced their divorce.
this reads like a john mulaney bit

jillbert:

jillbert:
jillbert:
ONE OF OUR INSTRUCTORS ACCIDENTALLY GOT PAID $787,000 THIS MONTH IM WHEEZING, OMFG PAYROLL
A PAYROLL EMPLOYEE ENTERED 123 INSTEAD OF 1 SO HE GOT PAID 123 TIMES WHAT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO
this is the rare $786,708 payday. reblog to receive more money than you were expecting on your next paycheck 💫

deathmoth:

me everyday: I should get a tattoo.

(Source: nauticalneurotic)

(Source: weheartit.com)

fairycosmos:

i’m just a bitch with bad posture and an irregular sleeping schedule